May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
