It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
