i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
