just tell him i said nine months
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
