Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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