Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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