worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
