all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
