Where did you get a picture of my penis
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
