The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So. Much. Porn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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