I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
