i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
