He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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