I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
