Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
