I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
