Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
