Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We had sex on a dog bed..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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