I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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