his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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