This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
