Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
