I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
