We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
