I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize