I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
