hotel room ftw
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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