things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
