Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
