This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
