I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
