I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
