Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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