So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How does one acquire holy water?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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