Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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