i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
