I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
