Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
