You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
