Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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