omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
