so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
