well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
