the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The power of my boobs compel you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
