she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
