Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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