It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
