Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
