So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
