i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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