What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
