I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
