I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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