I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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