Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
