I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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