i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
