I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have fence marks all over my body
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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