People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
