thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
