So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
