I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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