youre lurking in front of me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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