Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
