You surviving the open bar?
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I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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