Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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