a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
