my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
