So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
