so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
