Tell her she can't have a vagina
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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