me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
