He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
