my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize