ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
