and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
