I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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