operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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