You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
