I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
tell me about the eggs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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