Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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