My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
