It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
