Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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